UNDERSTANDING HAPPINESS AND JOY

Happiness
Happiness can be given to you and taken away from you by others or by objects. So it can be theirs alone to command your feelings. Happiness is fleeting and may even morph into despair as the following examples show.
The New Car. The smell of a new car is wonderful. The first spin is like heaven to your fingertips gripping the wheel and your foot on the pedal. You look out the window thinking, “This is mine, wow!”
Then, when you have to pay for the gas, insurance, and monthly payments, the rigors of ownership replace the new car smell. Or the new car might be in an accident with consequences that can range from repair to death.
The iPod. The first time you turn on your new iPod, you scroll the wheel to play a song through the new, unsoiled, white headphones.
After several days, you go to play the iPod and discover that you have not recharged the battery or the song you really want to hear did not download. You discover that this beautiful little device, like the car, commands your happiness.
Helping a Friend. A friend calls you for assistance with a chore. Before you give him an answer, you realize you may need his help in the future. So, you decide to pitch in. After you finish the chore, you crack open some beers and share warm feelings of achievement. What a great day you had together.
Then, when you ask your friend for help, he cannot help you for legitimate or maybe selfish reasons. Your anger swells because he does not reciprocate. “I helped him, why won’t he help me?” you wonder. Your intended outcome of reciprocal assistance made you agree to aid him, but now it may have destroyed a beautiful friendship.
These examples illustrate the principle that objects and giving conditionally may command your happiness. You do not control the happiness, you are only the recipient. The duration of the happiness is not in your control and neither is the duration or timing of the unhappiness. I am not saying you should never purchase a desired object again or offer assistance with intended results, but rather that you understand the consequences that an object or a result-driven action may have on your emotions.
Joy
The sound of the word “joy” brings with it a sense of exhilaration. Joy is the unselfish giving of oneself with no regard for any particular outcome. Joy is totally different from happiness. Joy is something you alone possess and can cherish forever, something that no object or person can ever take away from you and something that brings a deep internal satisfaction.
Joy can be the result of any act of giving where nothing in return is expected. For example:
• Donating your time to charity without an ulterior motive
• Mentoring employees with the sole pleasure arising from watching them grow
• Splitting bonuses equitably even when you could take the lion’s share
• Picking up an item someone dropped and handing it back with a smile, and not expecting a “thank you” in return
• Giving a sincere compliment
• Saying “good morning” every morning with a smile to your bus driver or train conductor
• Helping an elderly person cross the street or up the stairs
So, what does joy have to do with business? When you practice the art of joy in business, your working world flourishes. A very successful businessman once shared this advice with me:
“Never expect return from people you give to. They may never be able to return the giving for numerous reasons. But the more you give unselfishly, the more others will give to you. When people give to you unselfishly, understand that they never expect a return favor and appreciate the joy they shared with you without guilt.”
It was one of the best pieces of advice that I have ever received. Over the years, I have discovered that the more I give unselfishly, the more joy I receive from others. Enjoy learning what joy really is. The feeling of joy is wonderful and the reward is life fulfilling.